Someone in my school, who I wasn't really friends with (but was at one point), died last night. I was told this in Guidance today, and then they brought my boyfriend in to tell him too. I suppose they thought this might be okay because I could talk to him. He is much more hurt over this than I am. He's reacting in the same way I reacted to Marshall's death 3-ish years ago. Crying, then calm, then more crying. Well, not really crying. I hadn't even gone to Guidance because of that, I had gone to get a class changed. So they decided to tell me, then him. So we went home.
There are some minor differences in the way he is acting about it: anger, forgetfulness, and I feel so horrible. I am just as guilty as the rest. I stood by and let all of these people hurt her, when I knew it was wrong. I'm sorry English 11 teacher, (Mr.W), I ignored my little voice. And Ryan feels as if it's his fault. I'm not going to lie, but when he told me he loved her (not in the way he loves me, though) today, I got scared. I don't know why.
There was a time when I thought no one else was supposed to miss Marshall as much as me. No one even knew I existed. I got no hugs at his funeral. They all went to Tiffany. Sometimes, life sucks. I suppose that's how Ryan feels right now. I'm just so sorry.
I suppose a coping mechanism of his is trying to forget for a time so he won't break down. He's ignoring it. I feel bad, because I know deep down he wants to cry. He's taking it out on a lot of people. I've been through this before. I'm the calm one, keeping him, and others, together. I'm so sick of having death in my life.
On a lighter note, I feel like working on my story, and I haven't today. I've been napping. But I will, hopefully. Also, I switched my Computer Apps class to 3-D design. Honestly, I'm horrible at 3-D arts (sculptures) but at least it is challenging. Computer Apps was like nails on a chalkboard to me. It is about 100% below my skills. And come on, people should know when to use has and have, and is and are. I learned how to type in 5th grade. Was there
nothing else guidance could put on my schedule?
I'm going to Comic-Con in July! I can't wait. Not only because I loved being in California last summer, but because,
hellooooo, it's Comic-Con. Even the
name excites me.
In my Creative Writing class Mr. Flannel gives us story prompts and has us write stories based on those ideas. If I had remembered to bring that notebook home the past few days I'd have some cute little short stories up. I'll try to remember. I've been getting in touch with my dark side lately, and I suppose that's my epic psychic-ness foreshadowing some events. I even felt sick today.
That's about it tonight. Blessed be.
Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again. Blessings and good energy to all.
